We Are Who We Are, Americans.
It was okay in the beginning. It was okay to watch other games, root for other teams, get into the whole World Cup atmosphere and being all “YEAH I LOVE THIS GLOBAL GAME OF KICKING” it was meant to be that way in the opening round. Get you accustomed to the feeling of nations rooting for a group of men.
This is real. This is the elimination round. There’s no picking TEAMS to win. You’ve got one nation to root for. You’ve got a bunch of other nations to find funny jokes about. You’ve only got one shot to stand up and believe that your nation will rise.
And the one nation that is under god and indivisible with liberty and justice for all is the one nation you better be rooting for. This is about AMERICA. HOME TO CHUCK NORRIS. HOME TO TACO BELL. HOME TO HULK HOGAN. HOME TO BOBBY BOUCHER, HANK HILL, AND ERIC CARTMAN. HOME TO FREEDOM. HOME TO ENOUGH FREEDOM THAT WE DON’T CARE IF OUR COACH IS GERMAN, THAT HALF OUR TEAM WAS NOT BORN HERE. WE DON’T CARE ONCE YOU’RE HERE, YOU’RE HERE, AND DAMMIT WE RIDE OUT. WE BELIEVE WE ARE THE BEST, AND WE BELIEVE NO ONE CAN COMPETE WITH US. WE MAY NOT BE GOOD BUT DAMMIT WE ARE AMERICA AND IN AMERICA YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE GOOD YOU JUST HAVE TO BE AMERICAN. DOES THAT NOT MAKE SENSE TO YOU?! WELL GUESS WHAT A LOT OF THINGS HERE DON’T MAKE SENSE BUT RIGHT NOW IT DOESN’T HAVE TO. ALL THAT MATTERS IS WHEREVER YOU ARE. WHEREVER YOU GO. YOU PUT YOUR HAND OVER YOUR CHEST AND YOU RECITE THE NATIONAL ANTHEM LIKE YOU NEVER HAVE BEFORE AND YOU LET THE WORLD KNOW THAT AMERICA FUCKING ROCKS AND THIS WORLD CUP IS OURS